Family Foundations
For Both Home & Church:
That Can Stand The Storms of Life
© 2000 Sid Galloway
Family Foundations
Matthew 7:24-27 [Jesus said] “Therefore whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: “and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock. “But everyone who hears these sayings of Mine, and does not do them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand: “and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it fell. And great was its fall.”
How do most single men and women start out to find a spouse and build a family?
How do many pastors attempt to build a church family (ekklesia)?
Is their emphasis placed on physical things or spiritual things?
Do they begin by establishing a biblically spiritual foundation,
or do they unwittingly build the world's way, which is upside down?
or 
Genesis
2:18, 22, 24
"And
the LORD God said, 'It is not good that man should be alone:
I
will make him a helper comparable to him'. ...woman.
....they shall become one flesh."
Psalm 68:4
". . . God brings the lonely into families . . . . " (households,
churches)
Too often single people foolishly focus on physical attractiveness or social compatibility as the primary criteria for choosing a spouse. The spiritual dimension is either ignored or placed in third priority. Think about how unstable and conditional such a relationship really is when the storms of life hit hard. All it takes is one car wreck to severely reduce or destroy physical beauty or intellectual capacity. So if these are the foundations of the relationship, then the household comes tumbling down. And remember, folks, that the aging process is just a really slow wreck on a highway called the exponential escalation of entropy. So these qualities are guaranteed to fade into oblivion down the road.
Similarly, churches ("the called out people") often focus on physical bodies and the physical budgets necessary to support the physical buildings. Jesus said that where our treasure is, there is where our heart will be invested. It's no wonder why so many church buildings become the tail that wags the dog, until the programs and policies end up controlling the people (ekklesia).
Jesus said a wise man builds his household on the strong and stable foundation of God's priorities. In practical terms, how should this be done? Jesus' analogy of a building tells us a lot. The most secure physical building that can be constructed is the pyramid, because the base is so much larger than the apex. How does that apply to non-physical relationships?
Spiritual Oneness (Agape Love): The
greatest emphasis in value should be placed on the spiritual foundation to build
a godly household. This spiritual foundation is the quality of the
relationship the people have with God, both individually and when
together. The means and the tests for whether or not this is truly the
foundation are how much time, effort, and energy is spent on it. No, not
legalistic rituals, but fruit, that grows out of truly submissive, loving faith
(James 2:19). For example, an active and diligent prayer life in each
individual alone, couple together, household, or church is both the means to
strengthening the spiritual foundation, as well as evidence that all is
well. The same goes for the time and effort spent feeding on God's Word
(Mat 4:4), not just devotionally, but also systematically and practically.
And of course, the mortar that holds the structure straight and strong is God's
delegated system of authority and submission.
(See also, "God's Hand of Authority",
and "Simple Systematic Theology")
Social Compatibility (Phileo Love): The next most important priority involves the qualities and skills that build heart to heart understanding, real friendship, and brotherly love. Naturally, birds of a feather flock together, as the old saying goes, but that is not a basis for a stable relationship. Strong and intimate companionship, God's Way, must go beyond the natural tendency to "like" those who are similar to yourself. We must learn to listen (Deut 24:5; Prov 18:13) sensitively and accurately, and then learn how to speak the truth in love. We have to learn how to both ask for and give forgiveness, and to make peace when conflict arises (Rom 12:18). We must work hard to build the kind of brothers to brother bonds, that our Heavenly Father expects for us (1 John 4).
Physical (Ephithumia Love): The last and least significant priority consist of the superficial, material dimension. Isn't it amazing how powerfully physical things can attract our attention, time, and effort. The reason is simple. Physical things can give us immediate (though temporary and unsatisfying) pleasure in this fallen world of pain and loneliness (See also, "The Painful Pursuit of Pleasure"). Drugs (including alcohol and psychiatric medications) can make someone feel better quickly, but they don't impact the underlying need for a change in motive, thinking, and patterns of behavior. Worse, they can actually mask the symptoms and make a person stop searching for the real cause of relational problems. They use food, money and the power it buys, obsessing on maintaining youthful beauty, or trading in an old spouse for a new model. Churches remodel the old building, build a bigger and better one, or add new programs and slick looking materials to attract more people. These things aren't necessarily wrong, they can sometimes be good. But if they're not in the right priority, then they definitely aren't God's best. People use all kinds of physical pleasures as substitutes for building a life, a home, and a church God's Way.
