1 Pet 1:15-16 ". . . as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, 'Be holy, for I am holy." (4:8-9) "And above all things have fervent love for one another, 'for love will cover a multitude of sins." Be hospitable to one another without grumbling."
A number of events lately, coupled with my ongoing study of Scripture, have illustrated the dangerous balancing act we all must maintain between holiness and love. Failure to walk in the balance grossly dishonors the Lord, and is destructive to other people. Remember, these two characteristics are not in opposition to one another. They are in fact, inseparable dimensions of the image of Christ that is supposed to shine through you and me. You can't show real holiness without God's love, nor genuine love without God's holiness. This is true not only for individual people, but also for a whole family, a church, or a Christian organization.
Let's take our church, for example. Let's say a new family has come to visit our church and this new family is not totally in order, needing to learn and grow in a number of areas. How will our church family respond to them? Those people who have the gift of exhortation and administration will be eager to step in and confront any patterns of sin. This is good. Also, those folks with the gift of mercy and service will want to show the new family that God loves them through us. This too is good. Both gifts are needed in the Body in order to iron sharpen and stay balanced.
The danger comes in if either group fails to examine themselves (Mat 7:1-5), and work hard to stay away from extreme reactions of the flesh. The gift of exhortation folks will tend to move too quick or too harshly to confront and demand change, before the new family has seen and felt the love of Christ through us in personal and tangible ways. The mercy givers will be tempted to tolerate too much sin and for too long before lovingly confronting it.
Exhorters, have you reached out sacrificially to our new families personally, to clearly show them that you love them? Have you talked to them in the church meeting, called them during the week, had them over to your home for a meal? If not, or not enough, then what will they think about you and the church if your first or primary interaction is confrontation of their need to change? If you have neglected to personally prove your love to the people you want to rebuke, then your sin is at least as serious as the one you see in them. Have you thought of the fact that while you're focusing on some sin pattern that irritates you, perhaps that very same person or family might be struggling with suicide, potential divorce, or a life threatening illness? Sin is serious, but dead people can't repent. The sad thing is that in almost 20 years of counseling, I've seen countless cases where a person had been through horrible hurt in their life, felt totally alone, and then finally reached out to a church for help. Instead of first receiving the warmth and love of our Lord through the arms and homes of the ekklesia, they were immediately hit with cold distance, critical judgment, and a wall of unspoken expectations between them and the "family of God".
Mercy
givers, have you failed to speak up, when opportunities arose to point out needs
for change (man to man, woman to woman)? Have you covered more than a
multitude of sins, which God's love would not overlook? If so, then you
too are out of balance and in sin. Your failure to exercise the holiness
of God in love is like a Body without a backbone. And that my friend is a
jellyfish, not the Body of Christ.
* By the way parents, these same two dangers exist in the important task of
parenting as well.
You know what's another common problem in this area? It's when both the exhorters and the mercy givers see the new family's need for growth and love, but they expect the "pastors" or the pastors' wives to be the ones to provide it. It's true that the pastor elders' prime responsibility (Acts 6; 1 Tim 3; Titus 1) is to minister the Word both publicly and privately, including both comfort and church discipline. But the pastors are the equippers (Eph 4:13-15) who are to train you to be the main ministers, and to help you with the "hard cases" (Exo 18:13-27; especially v. 26). You are the front lines, folks, in the trenches of spiritual warfare for the souls and families connected to the church.
They need you and you need them, because we all need the full Body of Christ, not just the members with our gifts. Please take time this week for self-examination.