Biblical Family
Communication
To Glorify our Heavenly Father!

1999 by Sid Galloway (Updated December 4, 2001)


Not the Way of the World

The complete outline will be online soon, the Lord willing.
This rough draft is up early for students and church members.

[See also "Solving People-Problems"]

I. Submitting Your Heart Motive To God's Heart
(Gen 6:5; 1 Sam 16:7 ; Pro 3:5-8; Jer 17:9; Mat 5: 8; 15:19; Rom 9:9-10; Heb 4:12; Rev 12:11)

[Please remember, the Bible's terms for "HEART" (lev & kardia used over 800 x's in the Bible) 
refer more to the WILL than feelings. It's the center of humble submissive faith, by grace alone.]

    A. Start With God's Heart (Mat 22:36-40; John 17:3; Eph 3:14-21)
         Lay the right relational foundation. Know Him intimately as your authority.
        Get in Rank, Role, & Responsibility (Family Fulfillment Focused on the Father)
         God's Way Home = The Way of His Son = Humble Hypotasso Faith

Obviously the cornerstone is a pure heart that is Christ-centered in its faith, by God's grace alone. A heart submitted to the Father through His Son ensures stability during tense and vulnerable moments. Feelings are good and useful, but if you follow feelings instead of facts, they can lead to an up and down roller coaster ride of mood swings, as circumstantial temptations arise.

    B. Second With Your Own Heart (Heb 4:12; 1 John 4) Stay in Rank!
         Surrender your will to His. (A.B.C.s of J.O.Y. see separate article)
        * FILLED with the Spirit, not Self (Mat 11:28-30 Yoked under Jesus' authority)

(John 3:5-16; 7:37-39; Eph 4:29-30; 5:17-18; Gal 5:16-25 Spirit's fruit =
 "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, & self-control")

II. Listening to the Hearts of Others (Prov 18:13, 17; Mat 18:15)

   A. To God - Through Scripture, His Word
        (Gen 2-4; Psa 19; 119; Pro 30:5-6; 2 Tim 3:16-17)

    B. To Other People -Don't assume; listen until you're told you finally understand.

1. TIME: Quantity & Quality. (Deut 24:5) Proves love.
2. ACTION speaks louder than words: (1 Joh 3:18) Serve, Countenance
    ("T.O. F.R.E.E" * Touch - Open - Face - Relax - Eyes - Example )
3. VOICE: Praise continually, [Tone, rate, volume],
                       [reflect message, ask questions, summarize]
4. GOAL: Don't assume. Sum up what you hear until you are told that
you understand (even though you may not agree with) the person.

III. Sharing Your Own Heart (Pro 15:1; 2 Tim 2:23-26; Col 4:5-6)

   A. With God - Through Prayer (Mat 6:9-12; Eph 3:14-21)

    B. With Other People With Real H. E. A. R. T. (Eph 4:15-31; 1 Pe 2-3) .

H onestly - "Speak" in this verse is a command.
    So, don't hide your heart (= lie).
    Eph 4:25 This includes your countenance & tone of voice!

E dify - Use words that build up & don't tear down.
    Attack problems not people.
    Eph 4:29 Don't give rejection for rejection,
    let God judge the other person's heart.
    1Pet 3:9 Give a blessing instead. The power of praise lifts up.
    Joh 12:24 Embrace potential painful rejection &
    deny pride tendencies to defend self.

A ngry ?? - If you get angry, practice soul-control,
    & don't just "sleep on it".
    Eph 4:26 Within your heart, submit it to God, before sleep.

R espond - Act responsibly. Don't react "naturally"
    (all sinners who defend & attack).
    Rom 3:23; 6:23; Eph 4:30 Trust God to convict. Don't grieve Him.

T houghtfully - Why, What, Where, When, & How should I share.
    Col 4:6 i.e., seasoned so it's tasteful to that unique person!

WRONG WAY = "You made me say _____, or do ______".
(This way is a self-deception because Scripture says that people
and circumstances can only tempt us to choose ungodly actions
Eph 6:4 . Yes, they can hurt us or entice us, but they cannot force
us to react with the fruit of the flesh, Gal 5:16ff).

BETTER WAY = "I don't understand exactly why, but I feel ____.
"Please help me understand God's view of this. I know I could be
mistaken, please lets pray and talk about it in the light of Scripture."

FAMILY CONFERENCES:

Conferences ultimately should be led by God the Father, using Scriptural principles as the
authority for all decisions, and supplementing with other information
regarding physical things as needed (i.e., medical issues, finance, etc.) 
The male head of the household, when available, should patiently and sensitively
lead the process, under God's holy hand of authority. (1Cor 11 & 14; 1Tim 2; Gen. 3)
God is male (Father/Son/Spirit), and God created the family to reflect His image.  So as the pinnacle authority, God created the male husband/father to bear the responsibility of authority over the home family and the male pastor over the church family.  
(Please see "The Holy Hand of God's Authority" for more details.)

IV. Decide in Cooperation with Others (not competition):

    A. With God - Discerning God's Heart (His Will)

    B. With Other People - Cooperating for God's glory, not Competing for self-esteem!

V. Reconciling Conflict Heart to Heart
        Remember my genius dog, "Suzy", when temptations arise.
        When Suzy was tempted with any situation, she'd freeze and look to
        her Master, for what to think or do.  
        We are to respond the exact same way,
        by freezing, then prayerfully looking to Jesus counsel in His Word, 
        for what attitude, beliefs, words, and actions to apply.  
        (A.B.C.s of J.O.Y. see separate article)          

   A. Getting Right With God  (John 1-3; Heb 12)
        Always remember, however, that if you are not willing to get right with other people (1 John 4), 
        then God will not accept your effort to get right with Him (1 Pet 3).

    B. Getting Right With Other People (Rom 12:18)