L.E.A.D. - God's Way Home

© L.E.A.D.
God's Way Home
The Way of the Cross
The Way of His Son - Jesus

God's desire is to L.E.A.D. His children into a satisfied, abundant life, filled with intimate relationships of cooperative oneness, characterized by His pure, mature love. But something is obviously wrong with this world. Most people refuse to F.O.L.L.O.W. God's Way, and would rather go their own way (Isaiah 53:6). Now, every society on earth is filled with conflict, pain, fear, suffering, and death. Have you noticed that the natural reaction, when someone is in conflict, is either defensive or offensive protection of self? Both reactions are easily seen when kids in conflict raise their fists for a fight, or cover their faces with crossed arms and run away. They either blow up or give up. The "grown up" extremes of such reactions are terrorism (murder) and isolationism (suicide).

Contrast both of these "natural" reactions, with the "supernatural" response of Jesus, God's Son, who came down from Heaven and allowed Himself to be crucified for our sin, so we could live with His Father forever. Jesus voluntarily stood strong, on the nail pierced through His feet. With both arms opened wide, He embraced even His enemies in a loving forgiveness that's alien to this fallen world of selfish competition and "© Survival of the Coolest / Cruelest", as my son, Steven, calls it. People need family-discipleship ("intensive care" for the soul), to intentionally socialize one another into Christ's image, for God our Father's glory.

Four Dimensions of "Family-Discipleship",
that will © L.E.A.D. God's Way Home

God obviously made humans socially contagious. When one person yawns, most of the people around him yawn as a result. Each person tends to become socialized to the image and character of the company he keeps, the group that raises him (1 Cor 15:33). Our Father's goal is to glorify Himself by having His children transformed into the image and character of His Son, Jesus (Romans 8:28-30; 12:1-3; Gal 5:22-25), through the life-changing influence of His Spirit and Word (2 Cor 3:17-18). Education is not enough.

When, where, and how is this socializing transformation to take place? First and foremost, socialization into Christ's image should begin at birth in a Christian home, through a Father-focused family. God designed the "family" to consist of a husband, wife, and children. Therefore, single-parent homes are incomplete families, especially needful of the socializing help of a local church (their extended family of elder brothers and sisters). A truly biblical church ideally practices all four dimensions that will © L.E.A.D. God's Way.

© L.E.A.D. God's Way Home, toward restoration & maturity in Christ:
    (Who is to lead? Government officials, pastors, husbands, parents, employers, teachers, etc. . . . . )
     - L oving                    (Mat 22:36-40; Joh 13:34-35; Rom 13:8-10; 1 Co 12-14; Gal 5:14; 1 Jo 3-4)
          - E quipping                (Rom 1:12; Col 2:2; 1 Th 3:1-2; 5:14; 2 Ti 3:15-17) Teach, Convict, Correct, Train
               - A ccountability      (Mat 18:15-20; 28:18-20; 2 Tim 2:1-4; Titus 2:3-5) Man to man, Woman to Woman
                   - D iscipline               (Mat 18:15-20; 1 Co 5:9-13) One to One, Two or More, Church, Public

Why & When to L.E.A.D.? Matthew 20:20 ff. When a Christian is in a position of authority, he or she is to lead as Christ, not the way of the world. Refusal to LEAD self-sacrificially, as Jesus commands, is one of the most serious of sins. Jesus, as Messiah, rebuked and warned the religious and government leaders that they would be punished for their misuse of authority. Even more, God says that he will lovingly discipline Christians leaders, who abuse those under them (Heb 12).

If you love and equip, but do not exercise accountability and discipline, your leadership is unbiblical and will fail to honor God, benefit others, and bring you joy. Likewise, if you focus on accountability and discipline, and neglect loving and equipping, then your leadership will fail just the same. And please do not fall for the modern myth of mutual submission. A parent for example is to be loving and kind, but never submit to the children. Jesus submitted to human authorities, because His first coming to the world was not yet as the King of Kings, and Lord of Lords. (See the article by Wayne Grudem, Ph.D., on (The Myth of Mutual Submission".)

© F.O.L.L.O.W. your leaders, in order to reveal Christ's character:
    (Who is to follow? Citizens, church members, wives, children, employees, students, etc. . . . .)
        1 Peter 5:5-9; Luke 2:39-52; Rom 13:1; Heb 13:7-17; Eph 5:22 & 33; 6:1; 6:5; Gen 9:1-3; . . . .
        - F ear  ?         (Eph 5:33; Col 3:22 "phobeo" = respectfully recognizing authority as delegated by God.)
            - O bserve        (1 Co 11:1 You cannot follow unless you look to see what the leader is doing.)
                - L isten            (Pro 4:1 To help, you must incline your ear & heart to receive instructions.)
                    - L earn             (Php 4:9   An assistant learns what is expected, to work as an effective helper.)
                        - O bey               (1 Pe 3:6 Knowing what to do, but not doing it, is dishonoring to God.)
                            - W alk               (Gal 5:25 "stoicheo", marching under authority produces God's harmony.)

Why & When to F.O.L.L.O.W.? Sadly, some children today have learned by example from their mothers and fathers, the modern motto of "NO RESPECT, NO FEAR, NO RULES". Yet Scripture says that the "fear" of God is the beginning of wisdom. By "fear", it doesn't mean being afraid that God will lose control and abuse you. Instead, it means to fear the consequences of stepping out from under God's hand of protection and provision, into the traps of the devil, who prowls about like a lion seeking someone to destroy (1 Pet 5:5-9). Scripture teaches that all human authorities, yes even unbelieving ones, are in their position because God sovereignly allowed it. They are therefore His delegated authorities to ensure some level of order in this sinful world (Rom 13). We are to honor and fearfully respect all of them as unto the Lord. We are to obey them, unless they command us to violate a higher command. If such a sinful command is given, then we are to humbly and respectfully appeal directly to that sinful authority, and if that does not change the situation, then we can and sometimes must appeal above that sinful authority to higher human authorities. Remember, a person in rank under an authority, is never to "rebuke" that authority, who represents God's hand. The process of appeal is the only biblically, Christ-honoring method of dealing with a sinful authority. (See the articles section for more detailed exposition of these crucial principles)

These are the minimal ingredients of true discipleship, the personal ministry of God's Word adapted to the unique needs of each individual and family (Col 4:6). It's the full scope of truly biblical counseling for the soul (psyche) - assisting one another toward maturity in Christ, the fruit of the Spirit. Sadly, many western "churches" and "Christian" families have degenerated into social clubs, entertainment centers, or businesses run by a pastoral CEO. When members of a church or family fail to walk (stoicheo - march) under the Spirit's authority, it's often due to a combination of both ignorance and rebellion. Those in ignorance need loving and equipping, while those in rebellion need accountability and in sever cases, discipline. Some families churches do a good job of loving and a fair job of equipping, but it's difficult do the job of accountability and discipline that our Lord Jesus commands in Matthew 18:15-20. Too many ignore the vital responsibilities (see separate articles on "Child Training" and "Church Discipline"). Without accountability and discipline, efforts to L.E.A.D. are not really biblical love. On the other extreme, over emphasizing accountability and discipline, while neglecting sacrificial love and practical equipping fails just the same. Please remember, these are commands of Jesus, not suggestions.

Over the past two decades serving as a biblical counselor, church planter, and mediator for churches in crisis it's been a privilege to work with wonderful pastors from various denominations, who fought hard and maintained our Father's priorities both at home and in their church.

To the extent that Christians have failed to maintain God's priorities, American "Christianity" has distorted the picture of our Father's family to the world around us. Such a family portrait, like the church of Laodicea, becomes a sad witness that falls woefully short of the self-sacrificing fruit of the Holy Spirit (Gal 5). Remember that the Greek term for "witness" and "testimony" is "martyr" (Rev 12:11). How rare are the abundant lives and relationships that are both promised and commanded by our Lord Jesus, and characterized by respectful, cooperative submission to authority.

God's Way Home is The Way of His Son, The Way of the Cross.
It is submissive faith in the Father, even even leading to love for our enemies . . .
It is . . . . .

...the first label for Christians, people of "The Way" (Acts 9:2; 24:14, 22)
...the original character of God's creation (Gen 1-2)
...the future character of God's creation (1 Cor 15:20-28)
...nothing new - the just shall live by faith (Rom 1:17)
...not Christian mysticism or Biblical legalism (Gal 3:3)
...simple enough for a child, yet profound enough for any Ph.D. (Mat 18)
...taking Jesus' yoke and learning gentleness & humility from Him (Mat 11:28-30)
...submitting to the Holy Spirit's rule through you as a river of living water (John 7:37-39)
...the opposite of rebellion, which is equal to sorcery (Gen 3; 1 Sam 15:23)
...not dead, demonic faith, but living and fruit producing (James 2:19ff)
...not my will, but Thy will be done (Mat 5:19; 5: 30; 6:38; 11:28-30; 26:39-43; 28:19-20)
...repenting for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand (Mat 4:17)
...denying self and taking up your cross for His sake (Luk 9:23-26)
...loving, praying for & doing good to your enemy (Mat 5:44)
...turning the other cheek (Mat 5:39)
...showing respect to your husband (1 Pet 3:1-6)
...nourishing, cherishing, & washing your wife with the water of the Word (Eph 5:22-33)
...training up your children (Eph 6:4)
...obeying the laws of the government (Romans 13)
...respecting and following the elders of your church (Heb 13:7 & 17)
...obeying your parents (Eph 6:1-3)
...following your husband's lead (Eph 5:22-33)
...being filled with His Spirit (Eph 5:17-18)
...presenting your members as instruments of righteousness (Rom 6)
...reckoning yourself as dead, crucified (Rom 6)
...being crucified with Christ so that his character lives through you (Gal 2:20)
...the only way to receive the Spirit, & the way to be made mature (Gal 3:3)
...Christ formed in you (Gal 4:19)
...walking in the Spirit (stoicheo = march) (Gal 5:22-25)
...keeping His commandments, which is the way to love the Lord (John 13:34-35)
...becoming like a little child (Mat 18)
...asking in faith (Jam 1:2-8; 4:1-17)
...abiding in His Vine (John 15:1-13)
...following Him (John 1:43)
...decreasing so that Jesus can increase (John 3:30)
...offering your body as a living sacrifice (Rom 12:1-3)
...loving the Lord with all your heart, mind, and soul (Mat 22:36-40)
...loving your neighbor as you naturally love yourself (Mat 22:36-40)
***...all the law and the prophets (the whole of His Word) (Mat 22:36-40)

Q: What is the greatest threat to your family, your church, our country & the world?
A: Spiritually deceptive socialization, like a frog in a slowly warming pot.
Q: What is the difference between "demonic faith" (Jam 2:19) and true saving, sanctifying faith?
A: Submitting to God's rightful Lordship, not merely intellectual acceptance of facts about Him?

1 Cor 15:1 & 27-28
"I declare to you the gospel . . . .
For 'He has put all things under His feet'.
But when He says 'all things are put under Him.'
it is evident that He who put all things under Him is excepted.
Now when all things are made subject to Him,
then the Son Himself will also be subject to Him
who put all things under Him, that God may be all in all."
Hypotasso or its root is used seven times in this description of His\story's culmination, for a reason!

Hypotasso Faith = Sub-Mission. It's your mission, in rank under God's mighty hand of authority (protection and provision)

The key to understanding all of systematic theology is the doctrine of God, who is the sovereign King of His creation. He is the only self-existent LORD, the ultimate authority over all things. So what is man's proper response to God the Father? Submissive faith apart from good works is the only way into God's family, and it's the only way to grow into the mature image and character of His Son. It's also the only way to build intimate relationships that genuinely reflect the oneness of our triune God: Father-Son-Holy Spirit (John 13-17; 1 John 1). Only God is good, so He's the only one who can live His pure nature through you (Rom 5:10; Gal 2:20).

But in practical terms, how are we to do it? The answer is by His grace alone, through submissive faith alone, in the person and work of Jesus Christ alone. Hypotasso faith is not human will-power. Will-power is just works of the flesh practicing religious legalism. That would be the fruit of self, not the Spirit. And God has never commanded us to be full of ourselves. Submissive faith is also not just believing some facts about God. Even the demons do that (Jam 2:19). God's Way of hypotasso faith is also not just subjective feelings. Feelings are fickle and often deceptive. Many people "walk the aisle" and emotionally, yet superficially, respond out of a desire for a better life. But they have come forward primarily to please self, not God. There has been no regeneration where the Holy Spirit becomes sovereign Lord of their life. Could it be that this is why so many claim to be Christians, but their lives and relationships are no different from the world?

The Way of the Son is willful-submission to the point of joyful obedience. It simply means surrendering your will, your desires, your decisions at the core of your heart (Mat 15:19; Heb 4:12) to the sovereign rule and direction of God's inerrant and sufficient Word (Luke 22 - "not my will by thy will be done"). It's not spooky or mystical, it's profoundly practical, like a little child submissively trusting his Daddy (Abba, Father, Rom 8). God's way is simple enough for a child, but often too profoundly simple for the convoluted expectations of many church leaders, university professors, "Christian" political activists, denominational officers, and professional counselors.

A truly submissive, obedient child looks to his Daddy and lets him rule over his motives, thoughts, words, and actions. His whole life is lived in the heart attitude of, "Yes Sir, I'd be glad to". In this way, a son allows the father's will to live through his own heart and hands, and feet by simply submitting and obeying (Gal 2:20). But sadly, that wasn't my character growing up. I was openly rebellious, bitter, selfish, and eventually depressed and suicidal. I caused years and years of pain for my parents. I wanted things my way and either challenged them face to face, or tried to get things by manipulation. Even when I looked obedient on the outside, I was still a rebel in my heart. I loved myself and sought to please myself far more than God and my neighbor. Once as a teenager, I was picked up by the police, and they told my father I was a hard-hearted delinquent. So for me to now come to the place that I joyfully preach God's Way of submissive faith was a long, hard process of learning obedience through suffering. My way was a rough road, not cool. It was the way of the proverbial fool.

James 2:19 contrast demonic belief (Gk = pistis, faith) and saving faith that results in the fruit of the Spirit. The demons know and believe a great deal about God. They know His Word, and have lived in His heaven and earth for thousands of years. The difference between demonic faith in facts merely about God, and true saving\sanctifying faith is humble submission to Jesus Christ as Lord & Master (Mat 7; 1 Joh 4). God's part in salvation and sanctification is free grace, and our part is submissive faith. The rebellious, non-elect angels believe the facts about God, but they will not joyfully submit. Even on the day that every knee shall bow and every tongue confess, they will only bend their knee because they have to, not out of loving devotion. On that day they will weep in self-pity, and gnash their teeth in seething bitterness. But true believers love because God first loved them (1 John 4).

In this fallen world of violent rebellion, competition, and survival of the parasites, prostitutes, and predators our Father wants His family to show the lost His only way home. The world's counselors call the symptoms of the problem, "dysfunctional families". The Biblical truth is that they are "disordered families", where the members are not submitted under the authority of God the Father. God is a God of peaceful order, so without His functional Fatherhood the resulting symptoms are corruption, compromise, confusion, conflict, and chaos. Relational entropy (decay) eats away at every effort to create personal and social fulfillment.

Hypotasso (sub-mission) faith is our mission under God's hand of authority (1 Pet 5:5-9). It's the Way of The Son, our Lord Jesus Messiah (Joh 14:6). It's the key to every non-organic, relationship counseling problem, whether it involves marriage, parenting, anxiety, depression, or church squabbles (Gal 5:16-25). From the Garden of Eden to the Garden of Gethsemane to the culmination of history (His\Story) when all things will be brought in subjection to the Father by His Son (1 Cor 15:27-28), hypotasso is the only way home.

A. Practical Problem Solving: God's Way (Mat 6:33-34; Ephesians 1-6).
1. Purpose - Structured by His design for His goal = His image revealed (soli deo gloria).
     (Created for cooperation not competition. All creation is designed to point up to God the Father)
     The YHWH God is love = perfect intimate oneness without division. (YHWH - I AM)
     God is family = relationships of faithful hypotasso order.
     God is holy, & holiness produces joy (Isa 6; Luk 9:23-26; Joh 15:1-13; Rom 5; Jam 1)
2. Problem - Rebellion (Gen 3; Isa 53:6); Loving self over God & neighbor (Mat 22:36-40).
     Evolution is a racist religion where selfish rebellion and violence are virtues.
3. Plan - A Person not a Program (Joh 14:6; Gal 2:20; 4:19; 5:22-25) The Son is the Way of God.
    Submissive faith, not demonic faith (Jam 2:19) - For Justification, Sanctification, Glorification.
    Submit to God as He has revealed Himself, not as we imagine (Exo 20; Joh 1). (AA is incorrect)
    Submit to His Word (Scripture) as inerrant, infallible, authoritative, & sufficient
    (Gen 1-3; Psa 19; 119:9-12; Pro 30:5-6; Jer 6-8; Joh 17:17; 2 Ti 3-4; Jam 4:1-9; 2 Pet 1:3, 16-21)

B. Spirit-filled (Full & Overflowing) - Drawing from Him, not finite friends & relatives.
     (Eph 5:15-21; Joh 7:37-39; 15; Mat 5:22-23; 7:1-5) Paracletos
     Can't get no satisfaction, because only God satisfies: (Jer 31:14; Mat 11:28-30; 1 John 2:15-16)
1. Lay His Foundation - building a home as stable as a pyramid (Mat 5-7).
    First Spiritually with God / then socially with others / last physically with material resources
    Stay in rank, role, & responsibility (1 Peter)
2. Build Up His Way - (1 Cor 3) (See Article: "A.B.C.'s of J.O.Y". ) - (Philip 4:4-13; Joh 15:1-13)
     [Attitude-Behavior-Countenance] [Right attitude = choose to love Jesus first-Others 2nd-Yourself last]
    Top Priority = Prayerful Meditation on His Word - Personal Family Conferences with Abba Father!
     Don't let what you think is "good" swallow up God's "best" (Mat 6:33-34) = koinonia relationships.
        * * "Church" is not buildings, budgets, and busy activities. Ekklesia requires only people.
3. Recognizing Abilities and Disabilities - We’ve always told our children that God merely expects them to do their best to submit to Him, let his love flow through them, and responsibly use the abilities He has given at the paces and in the places that their disabilities can handle. We’re all imperfect and disabled, and therefore need Him and each other.

II. Marriage: The Primary Picture of God's Image (Eph 5:22-33).
[Gen 1-3; Exo 20:12-14 Oneness; Deu 24:5; Mal 2:13-15; 1 Pet 2-3; Col 3:18-19; Titus 2; 1 Ti 2:8-15]
** Placing the priority of one's biological family above that of the church is done here with a qualification based on the words of Jesus in Mat 19:29 "And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My name's sake, shall receive a hundredfold, and inherit eternal life". A person's covenant of submission to Jesus as Lord supercedes all other relationships. That, however, is not an excuse for neglecting spouse and children for "church activities". Remember, the "good" too often swallows up God's "best". In fact, the very qualifications for leadership in the church given in 1 Tim 3 and Titus 1 focus on how a man treates his wife and children.

What is the purpose of marriage? First and foremost it is holiness for God's glory, and then secondarily it is happiness?
The focus and direction of each family's ministry should be determined by the head of household's gifts & calling, and how that head of household is able to serve through God's local church (ekklesia). Beware of Lucifer's "divide and conquer" strategy. Satan tempts family members to each go their own way, and draw esteem to self, instead of cooperating with God's chain of command for the glory of God the Father. Modern Christian families and churches are often so scattered by separate, busy schedules (full of "good" things) that confusion, conflict, and chaos reign. Remember, our God is the Lord of hypotasso order & peace, where His "best" is top priority (Luk 10:42; Mary vs. Martha; 1 Cor 12-15).

A. Structured by His design for His purpose: To portray Christ and His Bride
     Just as Jesus is head over the church, husband is head over his wife, 1 Co 11:3.
     The head in proper relation to the body results in oneness.
1. Two reasons, are given by God. Neither reason is based on culture! (1 Ti 2:8-15)
    a. Creation (Adam first - Eve as "helper") 1 Cor 11:7 "Woman is the glory of man"
    b. Rebellion (Eve was deceived, man rebelled).

B. Equal yet Different Rank, Role, & Responsibility (Like two gears designed . . .)
     [It should never be a 50%-50% deal, but always a 100% self-sacrificing covenant.]
   1. Husband - Love & Lead Like Uriah (2 Sa 11- The family's shepherd: provide & protect)
       First submit to God as your authority, along with every human authority He has placed over you:
       (Government, Rom 13; Church elders, Heb 13:7 & 17; your boss, Eph 6:5)
       Then as husband, let Jesus live His servant leadership through you (Mat 20; 2 Ti 2:1-4).
       If she has problem areas then you "wash her with the water of the word", discipling her into the        fruit of God's Holy Spirit. Make time daily to lead her in studying the Word together.
        ** Stand firm (Eph 6:10-20), don't give up or blow up like Adam.
       Finally, enjoy the fruit of your wife's increasingly Christ-like character :-)
   2. Wife - Create a Home Refuge of Respect Like Sarah (Titus 2:3-5; 1 Pet 2-3)
    A husband's job is to go out into the world to provide for you & fight in spiritual warfare.
The best way to encourage your husband to become the spiritual leader is by showing genuine respect as his cheerleader, actively seeking his advice. The job of coach belongs to the Holy Spirit & church elders. Like Sarah, follow his imperfect lead with a "gentle & quiet spirit". Respectfully decline only when cooperation would cause you to violate higher authorities, especially Scripture. Then respectfully appeal to authority, doing your part to bring order, peace, and joy to the home.

C. Balancing Abilities & Disabilities (1 Co 12-13; Col 4:6)- Two gears working as One.

D. Communicating, Decision Making, & Resolving Conflict
     (Stay in rank, role & responsibility, and appeal to higher authority only if necessary)
      Becoming One - genuine understanding and harmonious teamwork - best friends.
* Sexual Fulfillment = Understanding our electro-spiritual, sexual capacitor created by God.
      (Deu 24:5; Ecc 4:9-12; Song of Solomon; 1 Co 7:1-4 only time spouses are mutually submissive)

III. Parenting: A Blessing not a Burden (Eph 6:1-4).
Do you know what the Bible says about child training? If not, then how can you hope to train up your children God's way? [Gen 1-4; Exo 20:12-14 Honor Authority Deu 6; Proverbs All; Mal 2:15 - 4; Col 3:20-21]

A. Structured by His design for His purpose: Reveal God the Father & His Son
(Parents over children Prov 30:4 ) (? no fear - no rules ?, or "the fear of God is ....").
B. Whose job is it to disciple your children? (1 Ti 3:4-5; Remember Eli - 1 Sa 2).
    It's not the responsibility of the pastor or the "youth minister". Dad Dates with Abba!!

C. Balancing Qualities & Gifts (1 Co 12-13; Col 4:6)- All working as one to help the head.

D. Communication (Build a bridge not a generation gap)
     1. Countenance (1 Joh 3:16-18; Action speaks louder than words)
     2. Accurately understand, before you agree or disagree with your child.

E. Training Them to Walk with God (march - stoicheo) Gal 5:16 - 6:3.
     1. Show 'em, Know 'em, Teach 'em, Train 'em - (2 Ti 3:16-17).
         Soul-Control (Pro 25:28; Heb 12:6-13) Coach Paracletos (John 13-17)
            Following the Ten Commandment Categories of Primary Principles . . . .
     2. Train/Discipline [Eph 4:22-24 habits; Heb 13:8 Consistency]

Seven Principles For Harmony at Home through Hypotasso.
When they are faithful in a little . . . give more responsibility. Luke 19:17
Teach Rules- (Gal 3:24, Able, few, why, praise, countenance, drill, habits...)
Teach Consequences- (Gal 6:7, pos-neg, smile, rod, wilderness, work . . .)
Command- (Pro 6:23, once, softly, don't say "okay?", but "do you understand")
Apply Consequences- (Rom 6:23, pos-neg, consistent, effective, grief - Eph 4:30)
Overcome- (Pro 19:19, apply conseq. until - "Not my will, but Thy will be done")
Praise !!- (Rom 12:21, always reward obedience even after a long battle. Hug a lot.)
Rest- (Heb 4:9-10, enjoy a peaceful home - giving all esteem to God, Pro 29:17; Eze 18:20)

F. Send Out Your Teleos Arrows - Into The World (Psalm 127-128) for God's glory.

IV. Church: God's Family Applying Real Accountability
    Mat 10:34-37 "Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. for I have come to set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, . . . and a man's enemies will be those of his own household. He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me."
      [Exo 20:8 God's people gathered Luk 14:26-28; Joh 17; Acts; Eph 3:10-4:16; 1 Tim 3; Titus 1]

      We cannot have the best relationships (designed by God) with our home family, unless we are right with God and in right fellowship with His Church. This principle refers to our covenant loyalty to the Lord, but is never an excuse to neglect our responsibilities to our parents, spouse or children. The homes & families of any church must be its greatest avenue of evangelism & discipleship. For 2,000 years, especially in persecuted countries, home hospitality has been God's primary and most powerfully effective way to personally accomplish His Biblical "best" (Eph 3).
     A true ekklesia (church) is God's family, "called out" of the world to gather together, to get equipped, and then go back to the lost and lonely for our Father's glory (Psa 68:4-6).
     What makes a group of believers a real church, & not just a Bible study or prayer group? The solution requires the essential ingredients that will © L.E.A.D. toward restoration & maturity in Christ, for God's glory, when you are in authority (Loving, Equipping, Accountability, Discipline).

These are the minimal ingredients of true discipleship, the personal ministry of the Word adapted to the unique needs of each individual and family (Col 4:6). This is the full scope of biblical counseling - assisting one another toward maturity in Christ, the fruit of the Spirit, through disciplined discipleship. Many churches do a good job of loving and a fair job of equipping, but scarcely any do the job of accountability and discipline that our Lord Jesus commands.

A. Structured by His design for His purpose: Make disciples (Mat 28:18-20)
     To reveal God's male, triune family image - to share His life intimately with His creation.
     Family leadership characterized by masculinity, simplicity, hospitality, agape & hypotasso.
      - A theocracy under the Shepherd King, the elder brother (not the King Saul CEO syndrome).
      - A plurality of mutually accountable elder brothers, not women (Isa 3:12; 1 Cor 11:7; 14:34-35).
     (Deu 21:19-20; Eze 7:26; Eph 4; 1 Ti 3:3-4; Titus 1-2; Heb 13:17; 1 Pet 5:3; 1 Jo 2 - resolve family conflicts)

B. Progressive sanctification: Growing toward His mature image - Like Father like Son
One family through Christ Jesus. No racism allowed (Gal 3)!

Additionally, true discipleship training for any church requires that a systematic understanding of Biblical truths be taught as the months and years unfold. This systematic training is necessary in order for a church, its elders, and its heads of household to accurately and effectively carry out their rank, roles and responsibilities to the glory of our Father. Obviously this will require hard work and prioritized time for diligent study and application in relationships. America's affluent entertainment-addicted society tempts us to live like we are on vacation, when in reality we're at war. We are fighting to rescue the souls of those who are suffering all around us, both within our Father's family as well as those outside. Literally billions of people are struggling spiritually and physically because they are in desperate need of our Father's resources.

The following steps for discipleship training bring God's sufficient counsel down to earth, producing a systematic, "practical" theology that should be lived out in the hearts, lives, and family relationships of God's people - soli deo gloria.

To accomplish this vital "ekklesia" responsibility, believers must all work hard to support one another. This is especially true when it comes to protecting the pastors' time for prayerful study and ministry of the Word. God's design is for elders to train each of the heads of household, who in turn will train- disciple- counsel their own wife and children personally and individually. The older women are to train the younger women, especially single mothers (Titus 2). Additionally, homes should be used for evangelistic and disciple-making hospitality for friends, neighbors, co-workers, and relatives. God's biblical design emphasizes personal relationships, rather than busy activities, buildings, business, and entertainment. We must not let the "good" swallow up God's Biblical "best" (Luk 10:42).

We live in exciting days, that are both a wonderful privilege and an awesome responsibility. Deception, rebellion, and suffering are escalating all around us. The world is trying to coalesce into a unified governmental and spiritual system that stands diametrically opposed to the one true God. But through His New Testament design for discipleship-counseling and evangelization, we can fight the good fight and glorify our Father through Jesus Christ His Son - our Lord and Savior.

C. Public ministry of the Word ? 25% (Preaching) Acts 20:17-38 Paul in Ephesus. Eph 4-5.

D. Personal ministry of the Word ? 75% (Discipleship Counseling) Acts 20:17-38. Eph 4-5.
Soulcare - Man to man; Woman to woman; Parents to Children; Family to family (hospitality).

Relationship Priorities
For any church to become a strong family unit of true brothers and sisters, the members need to know one another intimately, update that knowledge regularly, and actively L.E.A.D. one another to reflect the mature image of Christ. It means that any covenanting member of a local church is responsible to actively help other families in that church to overcome whatever hinders either the glory of God our Father, their testimony to others, or their own individual and relational abundant life. (Psa 139:23-24; Mat 7:1-5; 2 Tim 1:2-4 & Titus 2:1-4)

Men, have you sought personal, private training to learn how to consistently walk in intimate fellowship with our Father - the fullness of the Holy Spirit so that He is the real authority over your thoughts, words, and actions? Are you willing to do whatever is necessary to establish this kind of foundation to your life, so you can fulfill your roles and responsibilities both at home and as a church member? Do you know how to disciple your wife and each of your children personally. Have you made an effort to get to know each of the other men in your home church? Do you know their unique spiritual and material needs? Have you sought to utilize your spiritual gifts and resources, given to you by our Father, to help the other families grow for His honor and glory? Have you loved, encouraged, held accountable, and even exercised some measure of mutual discipline in the lives of your fellow church members?

Ladies, have you done the same with the other women (Titus 2)? Are you training one another to honor your husbands (or husband to be) as the spiritual leader of the home? Are you his cheerleader or are you trying to be his coach? Are you really his helper? Do you show submissive respect and seek God's guidance through your husband, in order to encourage him to study the Word (1 Pet 3)?

All of this requires a sincere and self-sacrificial investment of time and energy. Therefore, members of each local church (especially the heads of household) need to focus on maintaining God's relationship priorities both in order and in emphasis. The following list of priorities, emphasizes time invested in each relational level. Therefore "church family" is listed fifth after God, parents, spouse, and children, because so many modern churches allow busy activities and an over focus on physical buildings to cause members to neglect their own family. Yes Luke 14:25-28 and Mat 10:34-37 clearly teach that our personal and relational commitment to Jesus (His truth and His Church Body of believers) often causes conflict with those in your family. But this reality must never be used as an excuse for neglecting the Biblical, relational ranks, roles, and responsibilities of our own homes. This danger is most clearly presented in the qualifications for elders and deacons (1 Ti 3; Titus 1).
(Relationships arranged by time invested, not necessarily covenant loyalty)
- with God individually (Mat 6:33-34) (Please see full article on "God's A.B.C.'s for True J.O.Y.)
- your parents (Exo 20; Eph 6:1-3; Both when you're a child, & when elderly parents need care)
     - your spouse (Deu 24:5; Eph 5; 1 Pet 2-3)
        - each of your children (Deu 6; Psa 78; Eph 6:4; 2 Ti 3:15-17)
            - your local church family (Eph 3-6; Heb 13:7,17; 1 Pet 5; 1 Jo 3-4)
                - evangelization of those outside God's family (Psa 68:4-6)
                           - church to church social & cooperative activities (All of Acts)

Time with believers from other fellowships is a "good" thing, but not above the other priorities. Only when these "best" things are done very well, should time be invested in the activities of other local churches. Remember, if the best is done well, but there is no time left for some "good" things, then you've still succeeded. If you are spread so thin that only a lot of "good" things are done, but no time is left for God's "best" priorities, then you've missed the mark. We can humble ourselves and prayerfully plan to paint a different picture to the world - a family portrait that shows them the intimate oneness of our Father and His Son, Jesus our Master (John 17).

It would be nice if being a part of God's Church merely involved socializing with "similar" Christian friends from lots of local churches - doing a lot of "good" things. But that kind of interaction, alone, is not what makes a church a true New Testament ekklesia.(9) Our Father requires a covenant commitment (Mat 18:15-20; 1 Cor 5:9-13; Gal 6:1-3) among either a group of like-minded families in a small church, or a cell-group of families in a larger church, so that they invest their lives to accomplish the hard and often unpleasant work of discipling one another toward maturity in Christ.(10) Please remember, this really is war not vacation (2 Cor 10:3-5; 11:3-15; Gal 2:20; 4:19; 5:16-25; Eph 3:10; 6:10-15; 2 Tim 2:1-4; 3:1-4:5; Titus 2:1-5).

Try to look at it this way. What if in Vietnam during the stress of heated battles, a soldier chose to float from platoon to platoon, looking for a "fun" group that made him feel good? Then he kept complaining that the men in the various groups really wouldn't lay down their lives to make him happy. Later, when he was under attack and in crisis, he'd wonder why one of his old buddies from a past platoon didn't leave his own men and run to his aid. Could it be that his plan for fulfillment was not the Way of the Son, but the way of the World? (Luke 9:23-26)

There is a need for more real koinonia and agape relationships (Joh 13:33-34; 1 Jo 4) that clearly stand apart from the natural character of the world's groups - soli deo gloria? Our Western culture tempts us toward a reluctance to open our hearts and homes to a level of true covenant commitment. For some, the barrier is that it requires embracing as intimate family, different kinds of folks that wouldn't "naturally" become their "friends". Of course, a group composed merely of "birds-of-a-feather" (based on natural" affections) would not be a supernatural ekklesia? God's churches must be grown, through the uncomfortable, vulnerable, hard work of denying natural desires and embracing others who are similar in doctrine, but not necessarily in culture.

Could it be that one of the reasons so many believers are looking to psychotherapy for practical solutions to real life relational struggles is that too many modern churches have neglected to offer this "whole counsel of God" (Acts 20:17-32)? It's never too late to turn back to our Father's sufficient Word, and reestablish His practical priorities for His glory through His people (2 Ki 22; Eph 3:10; 2 Tim 3:7-4:5).

Pastors, elders, heads of household, we love you and are praying for each of you. May our Father bless you, your home family, and your church family beyond all that we can ask or even think
(Eph 3:14-21).

E. Balancing Qualities & Gifts (1 Co 12-13; Col 4:6)- Working as One.
F. Communicating & Decision Making for His glory. (So God wins)
(Prov 15; 18:13, 17; John 13:34-35 The Mark of a True Christian; John 17; Eph 4; Col 4:5-6)
G. Resolving Conflict (Rom 12; Eph 6; Standing firm without giving up or blowing up)
H. Evangelization - Bringing others into our Father's fold (Psalm 68:4-6).

V. World: Advertise for Adoption (Exo 20:15-17; Psalm 68:4-6; Eph 6:10-19)
Using Home Hospitality to Personally . . .
A. Evangelize - Telling the world about the family of the Father of Jesus Messiah.
B. Embrace - Feeding milk fit for babes in Christ.
C. L.E.A.D to Maturity - Feeding meat that builds strong faith.

Organizations: (Be sure to visit our "LINKS" page)
SBABC, Southern Baptist Association of Biblical Counselors (http://soulcare.org/SBABC2000.htm)
NANC, Nat'l Assoc. of Nouthetic Counselors (5526 State Road 26 East, Lafayette, IN 47905) 317-448-9100
IABC, Internat'l Assoc. of Biblical Counselors 1-800-463-7967) 11500 Sheridan Blvd., Westminster, CO 80020
Journal of Biblical Counseling (1803 East Willow Grove Ave. Glenside, PA 19038. (215) 884-7676
Biblical Counseling Foundation (760) 773-2667 or fax us at (760) 340-3778.
Sound Word Associates- 9,000+ audios (PO Box 2035 Michigan City, IN 46361 FAX/Phone: (219) 879-7753)

Recommended Reading:     (Also see our "Resources" section on the web) Acts 17:11
Spiritual Junk Food: The Dumbing Down of Christian Youth.
Cathy Mickels & Audrey McKeever, 1999, WinePress Publishing - praised by numerous endorsements,
                   Dr. John MacArthur who says: "A well-documented presentation of how "pop" psychological      concepts have infiltrated Christian youth groups all across the country. "
Jay Adams, Handbook of Church Discipline, [A loving yet direct biblical examination of the vital process for      accountability-discipline-restoration in the Body of Christ] Dr. Adams is the author of over 60 books, former      Director of Advanced Studies and Professor of Practical Theology at Westminster Theo. Seminary]
Robert Andrews, The Family: God's Weapon for Victory. [Yes! This is war not Disney World]
John Broger, Self-Confrontation: A Manual For In-Depth Discipleship. [Marriage, parenting, addiction, etc.]
Ed Bulkley, Ph.D., Why Christians Can't Trust Psych. [Evidence for sufficiency]
Elisabeth Elliot, Let Me Be A Woman. [A mom's counsel to her daughter]
Mary Farrar, Choices. [How feminism has deceived even the church]
Richard Ganz, Ph.D., Psychobabble. [Evidence for the sufficiency of God's Word] The Secret of Self-Control.
*Wayne Grudem, Ph.D. & John Piper , Recovering Biblical Manhood-Womanhood. [Revealing God's design]
**Ken Ham, (Video), The Genesis Family (Fatherhood)- (From Institute of Creation Research 1-800- 628-7640) James Hirsen, J.D., Ph.D. The Coming Collision; also Government By Decree: From President to Dictator
Dr. Hirsen is a professor of international law at Trinity Law School, and has compiled definitive evidence that our "global village" is moving at an exponential rate toward a unified governmental and spiritual system. These new books reveal the efforts of transnational individuals, UN-NGO's, governments, and corporations to use international law as a the glue toward global governance.
*Dave Hunt, Occult Invasion. [Traces the subtle, now blatant inroads of new age philosophy into the Church]
Berit Kjos, Brave New Schools.   [Socialistic globalism & Gnosticism replacing family values]
John MacArthur, D.D , Anxiety Attacked; also Shepherdology; and Different By Design.
Wayne Mack, D. Min., Your Family God's Way. and Preparing for Marriage.
Wayne Mack & David Swavely, Life in the Father's House: A Member's Guide to the Local Church.
Jerry Marcellino, Rediscovering Family Worship. [A "how to" guide for fathers & single-moms]
Lou Priolo, The Complete Husband also The Heart of Anger . . . in Children. [1-800-789-8175 Calvary Press]
Bruce Ray, Withhold Not Correction. [Practical principles for child discipline]
Christopher Schlect, Critique of Youth Ministry. (Canon Press, 1-800-488-2034, Box 8741 Moscow, ID 83843)
Alex Strauch. 3 bks (Biblical Eldership; The New Testament Deacon; Men & Women: Equal Yet Different)
John MacArthur, D.D., & Wayne Mack, D. Min., Introduction To Biblical Counseling.
Ken Sande, The Peace Maker. [A Christian attorney's alternative to the world's way!]
Tedd Tripp, D.Min, Shepherding a Child's Heart. [Balances relationship with discipline well]
A.E. Wilder-Smith, Dr. Wilder-Smith is one of the few creation scientists who has earned three doctorate degrees in physical sciences. He narrates a beautifully filmed video series entitled ORIGINS. It conclusively demonstrates the scientific validity of creationism. The video series is available 602-894-1300, or 888-251-5360]